365 in 2012

I took a short break.  But I’m still watching movies.  In fact, I have made a vow to watch 365 movies this year.  And Father Time is calling my bluff by giving 2012 365 days.  So we’ll see who delivers come Dec. 31st.

Here’s where I failed the first time.  I long to create a blog with prolific writing, brilliant screen shots, hilariously relevant youtube clips and heavily researched background information on my favorite shitty actors.  But, nope.  If I’m ingesting the dregs of movie-dom, then the dregs of blog-dom is what I’ll produce for you, gentle reader.  So we’re setting the bar low and seeing what happens.

Kicked the year off with Chuck Norris as The Hitman.

Somehow, in spite of having watched every episode of Walker, Texas Ranger at least once, I have seen very few feature presentations starring Mr. Norris.  I tend to think of them as being “real” movies, so they fly under my radar.  But it’s a new year, so new leaf and all that.

Chuck is a bad guy in this one.  Wait, strike that.  According to imdb, he’s an undercover hitman.  I did not catch that at all.  But, it was New Year’s Day, so drinking was involved.  He wears a black trench coat and has used a box of Just For Men Dark Brown on his facial hair to hint at his ominous nature.    He is almost killed.  (A doctor declares, “He’s dead.  Clinically dead.” only moments before he wakes up ready to kick butt).  A kid shows up at his doorstep, they make model airplanes together and practice a kickboxing move, the kid is exploded, but is somehow unharmed.  All of that to get us to the infinitely watchable last 10 minutes of this movie. Chuck ties bad guy Michael Parks to a chair, suspends him outside a highrise window and says:
“Now if you feel the need to piss your pants Del? Just squeeze them cheeks… real tight…”

(I discussed the possible anatomical implications of this with my male friends, thinking perhaps I didn’t understand because it didn’t apply to my own personal plumbing setup. I still don’t get it. But I don’t love it any less.)

Then this happens:

So here we are, friends!  It’s 2012, there are festive confetti sprinkles of Michael Parks in the air and I have 364 movies left to bore you with!  Up next, Karate Cops.

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~ by velouria78 on January 3, 2012.

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